This is a judgement free zone.

  

Nope, not what you thought.  Not about working out.

I’m talking about those little guilty pleasures that each and every one of us has.  My very good friend lists KUWTK (that’s Keeping Up With The Kardashians, if you’ve been living in solitude on a deserted island for the past however long) and any of the Real Housewives, and she was so very surprised, given that I am who I am, that those weren’t on my list.

When I partake, you know it’s a guilty pleasure.

Newest:  Watching cartoons with Q.  I loved cartoons as a kid.  Saturday morning was the tits.  I even watched them into adulthood – think Simpsons and Family Guy, with maybe an episode of Scooby-Doo thrown in.  I’m now finding myself actually watching these new shows with Q – like I care about Sophia winning The Flying Derby, or I can’t turn away until I know if Doc was able to fix Hallie’s foot.

Most Despicable:  Teen Mom (OG & 2).  This is a classic example of a train wreck that you can’t stop looking at.  I will step up on my soapbox for a moment to say that they are amazing young women that advocate for safe sex after learning from their mistakes and that I’m sure they are all doing the best that they can.  Now I will step down and say that, I know we don’t get the full/true/real story due to editing, sometimes I just have to shake my head.  But I can’t wait to see what happens next – I’ll tell you that.

Most Surprising:  Justin Bieber’s song “What Do You Mean?”  I just kind of love it.  The words are so true – girls are dumb.  Every time i pass it on the radio, I stop to listen.  Like it so much it even made it to My Music.

Because Who Doesn’t Love Them:  The Spice Girls.  Really?  I have to elaborate?  They are adorable.  The music just makes you want to dance and sing along.  They are silly.  Adele likes them.  Enough said.

Most Common:  Hours upon hours of the Food Network of HGTV.  Because who doesn’t love to watch shows about food they could never duplicate or about homes they can never buy?  Another casualty of the Age of Pinterest.

Pleasure That Most Women Have On Their List (although they may not admit it):  Any movie staring JLo.  It’s not that she’s a good actress.  It’s not that she is absolutely stunning.  She’s just enjoyable and charming and the movies are silly and girly.  I’ll just list a few so that you can go back and remember the greatness:  Maid In Manhattan, Monster-In-Law, The Wedding Planner, The Back-Up Plan, What To Expect When You’re Expecting

Techiest (Because being addicted to your iPhone doesn’t count):  Mahjong Towers.  Don’t start playing it – you won’t stop.  When I just want to zone out, I start to play and, next thing I know, hours have gone by.  Thank the techie universe that the game is only available on my iPad and not my iPhone!!

Oldest (and Favorite):  Day drinking.  I’m not really sure if this can be considered a guilty pleasure, but it’s something I love to do and don’t get to do it that often.  Day drinking is best in the spring or summer or fall, when you can sit on the patio of just about anywhere and chat and drink and veg.  There’s something about that little warm feeling you get when there is sunshine on your face.

And there you have it.  I’m quirky and I like it.

So small, yet so big.

Today, I pushed myself farther. 

I went out with the girls last night (can I get a woot woot 2 GNOs in one week!!) and had one more glass of wine than I should have. I knew it as I was drinking it and I knew it again when I woke up.

But I knew I was going to at least take a 30 minute walk on the treadmill today. I had to. I headed up to the gym with every intention of walking. I started up the big machine and started walking. I pulled out my phone to start the music, and my fingers trolled over to the Couch25k app, seemingly on their own. And I started it up.

I walked the warm up, thinking to myself, “I’ll try the first run and if I can’t, I’ll just walk it.” The first run came – and I ran. I mentally broke down the minutes in my head, was it 6 runs? Yes, I think it’s 6 runs. 

I kept pushing. Every time I thought I couldn’t make it through that 60 second jog, I did it anyway. By 6, I had already figured out that it was 8, not 6.  I told myself that maybe I’d just up the incline and walk the rest of that workout.  I upped the incline. And when run 7 came around, I ran.

And I ran number 8.  And it felt good.

And when it was done, I felt pride in myself. I easily could have walked at a leisurely pace and convinced myself that it was productive. But I pushed myself and accomplished something.

And it felt good. 

This is what I wanted to come of this life change. I can’t remember the last time I believed I could push myself.  I can’t remember the last time I challenged myself.  I am becoming my biggest cheerleader and my biggest fan.

And it feels good.

Did you pin that?

Pinterest is killing the modern woman.  That being said – I love it, of course.

I pin ALL THE THINGS.  Food, clothes, room ideas, funny shit.  And, I have completed quite a few ideas that I’ve pinned.  But in the grand scheme of things, I fall way short on my Pinterest accomplishments!

I go back and look at what I’ve pinned and I’m like “what the fuck was I thinking??”  Do I really have the ability to take an old dresser and make it into a fabulous dress-up clothes closet for Q?  Can I get that fantastic recipe together on a weeknight, when Q needs a bath and I’m tired?  Would I totally get the side-eye if I went walking down the street with that eye makeup?

What I’m trying to say is that Pinterest makes me feel bad about myself.  It’s gluttonous really – if I had just gone on the site and pinned some things that I could really get behind, then it would be amazing!  It would be like my own personal dream board, and I would actually have the possibility of seeing it realized.  If it only showed me pins of people I’m friends with, then I wouldn’t be developing grandiose notions that I could reinvent the wheel!  But it is a cavernous mother-load of everything and anything.  Pick a word, any word, type it in, and voila – 629 pins for that!  With that many pins, anyone should be able to follow along!

But on the flip side, what if I could push myself to make that (smart as hell) mudroom in my garage?  What if that user I’m following for that product I already buy gives me a better understanding of how to use it?  What if that clothing pin gives me an idea of how to create an entirely new look with clothes I already have?  What if that recipe can easily be made ahead, which would make an even easier dinner for a busy night?  With a little time and effort, I could, quite possibly, do absolutely ANY of the things pinned on my numerous boards.  I crafted this little ditty with Q for her dance teachers at the end of the term last year and, while they don’t look quite as polished as the pin, they were made with pride and genuine love for the recipients.  I was proud of how they came out.  I had tried something that I never thought I could be good at (crafting) and it was a win!

This, like everything else in life, is a matter of perspective.  Not a glass full v. a glass empty kind of way, but in a “give yourself a little credit” kind of way.  You know your limits, but you can work against them if you really want something bad enough.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by everything you want to do, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it all.  That is the reason people make dream boards and bucket lists and pin things to their Pinterest pages in the first place – because they want to believe they can do it.  So what I’m going to tell myself (since this blog is really for me) is this:

If you can dream it, you can do it.  Maybe it won’t work out.  But maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever.

And I’m going to revisit some of those old pins, and decide if I think they are still good ideas, and then, just maybe, I’ll surprise myself.

I’m looking for a dare-to-be-great situation. – Lloyd Dobler

It’s called baby steps people….

Well, first workout of the “new regimen” in the books!

I totally meant to get up at 5am this morning and head over to the gym.  And I would have, but Q and I fell asleep in our bed and Ryan didn’t move her when he came in.

Let’s just put that aside for a later discussion – and we will refer to yesterday’s post about things that need balancing, and have fun dissecting all the things wrong with the above statement.

The point is, I didn’t sleep well, and 5 came and went.  It weighed on me all day – I had literally wanted to get moving.  Lucky for me, the Big Boss Man loves that everyone in our office is into nutrition and fitness on some scale, and installed an amazing state-of-the-art gym, complete with mats and TVs for all things BeachBody.

So I did it.  I went up, and I just started walking.  And then I started jogging.  It wasn’t long.  It wasn’t pretty.  But my step count is up and I’ve got “active minutes” on my FitBit.  I’m going to call that a win.

 

The word of the day is balance.

I have finally figured out what my focus on the year will be – balance.  Defined as a condition in which different elements are equal, or in the correct proportions.

It’s the perfect word for me.  A balance between Type A and lazy.  A balance between organized (in my head) and chaos (in my house).  A balance between being a shopaholic (thanks Mom) and being fiscally responsible.  A balance between a love of food and a healthy plate.  A balance between being a doting parent and being a positive role model.

I am out of balance – that’s why I’ve become so focused on turning things around before this big milestone.  It’s exhausting to be an extremist – always feeling either overexerted or falling short…how can you be happy like that?

So, now I’ve got my work cut out for me – this is no easy task.  But that’s what a life change is about, right?

Clean kitchen at night is a thing?

My feelings have not changed regarding doing the dishes.

I will say, however, that I feel much better, and get satisfaction from having a clean sink after dinner.

I still find the task tedious and cumbersome, but now I’m finding that if Rysn says that he’ll do them later, I instantly feel the need to get them done.

What necessary task is your albatross, but gives you satisfaction upon completion?

A night on the town.

Today, I know I’m getting old.

Tonight is a much-needed, and much-anticipated, GNO with my girls from work.  We try to do these every month or so, and our general MO is cooking dinner at one friend’s house and then hitting her hot tub.  We recently mixed it up by going out to eat, and then going back to the hot tub.  Tonight, we have decided to really go out on a limb.  We are going out to dinner and are then going to move the party to a bar nearby (don’t worry – we Uber it everywhere, no driving for us).

The problem:  I have absolutely no idea what to wear when going out with my girlfriends and not just having dinner.

You see, I don’t actually remember the last time that I went to a bar.  Since becoming a mom, I’ve really scaled back on that part of my free time.  Maybe it’s because we haven’t left Q with anyone other than her grandparents yet.  It’s usually a restaurant, and it’s very easy to dress according to the scale of that establishment.

An even funnier point is that I don’t care who sees me at the bar – I’m not trying to pick up some dudes and be the star of the bar.  I really want to spend the time with my girls, talking like we do.

One of my girls had an outfit in mind – that didn’t pan out because, really, who can make the extra effort on a Friday morning before work?  The other just always looks put together because she’s smart – she has 3 looks that really work for her, so she can make a plethora of outfits in any of those 3 styles and she’s golden.

I generally wear jeans.  But right now, I have mostly skinny jeans.  We are eating tapas.  Tapas plus skinny jeans do not equal comfort when going out after.  So, I’m debating some funky LuLaRoe leggings with a top (I have no idea which one) and some tricked out stiletto booties.  And all I can think about is, what the fuck am I thinking???

The lesson:  I must learn to be confident in whatever I step out in.  I put it together, I need to own it.  I mean, honestly, if I spent the money on it then I must have liked it so just freaking wear it and get over yourself, right?  I most likely won’t know anyone at the bar.  And even if I did, I shouldn’t care what their thoughts on my fashion choices are.

Off I go, to try a new attitude on my way to 40 – Hakuna Matata? I hope you’ll all wish me smooth sailing.

Nice to meet you.

I wrote a little blurb on the About page, but what do you really know about me?

1. I’ve broken both of my tibia bones.  The right when I was 16 months old – apparently, I fell up the stairs…graceful.  The left when I was 7, playing a game of hide and seek.  I slid down a pole on the back of a slide with my leg wrapped the wrong way around.  Ouch.
2. The very first concert I ever went to was Air Supply.  I was 8.  My mother and I went to Atlantic City to see them.  I thought it was so cool because the blonde guy had the same birthday as me.  On the way home, I told my mom I would stay awake to keep her company, but fell asleep in maybe 10 minutes!
3. When I was a little girl, I never imagined what it would be like, and never planned how I would want it to be to get married.  It just wasn’t on my radar, I guess.
4. I am a total weirdo about my clothes – nobody can do my laundry but me.  I’m also starting to develop that urge about Q’s clothes.  Ryan can do his own!
5. I have three ear-piercings in each ear, but only wear earrings in the original.
6. I started singing in the school choir in elementary school, and continued all the way up until my senior year of high school, where I was in a show choir.  I love to sing – but I’m terrible at it!
7. I will stop on, and watch, any of the following movies at any time that I come across them, no matter what part they are at:  The Holiday, National Treasure, Say Anything, or Crazy People.
8. I have worn glasses since the third grade, and switched to contacts in the 7th grade.  I have TERRIBLE eyesight.  I also always think everyone is mumbling.  But my sense of smell is extraordinary!
9. If I had the opportunity, I would have my wedding all over again.  The only changes I would make would be that I would hire a videographer, and not get so drunk so early!
10. When online shopping, I habitually fill up my cart with items that I want to buy, and then close the website so that I don’t make a purchase.
11. I hate to be hot.  Like grumpypants-raging-bitch hate it.
12. I knew nothing about baseball until I met Ryan, and now it’s my favorite sport.  My first ever professional game was sitting on the Green Monster at Fenway Park.
13. I adore video games, but am not very good at them.  I am, however, excellent at puzzle games – Sudoku, Crosswords, Matching, Mahjong.
14. I have to go through the exact same routine when getting ready every day, which is hilarious because I tend to be a mess everywhere else!
15. I loathe talking on the phone.  A complete 180 from high school when I had my own phone line.
16. I am dreadful at styling my hair.  I always have these amazing ideas of what to do and they never end up close to my vision.
17. My dream job would involve a mixture of Anthropology with Photo Journalism.
18. I love flowers but I DO NOT have a green thumb.
19. I am really into cooking, but my cooking self-esteem is very low – I’m very concerned that people are only eating what I’ve made to make me feel good.
20. I truly subscribe to my astrological sign of Gemini. Although, thinking that there are only two sides to me would be a HUGE mistake!!

So, here you have it! A few fun facts about yours truly! ❤️

  

Addictive much?

I used to be all “I just don’t understand addictive personalities – you just stop when it’s time to stop.”

I don’t know who I was kidding!

So maybe it’s not drugs or alcohol, but I have seen how a switch can seem to be flipped and you feel like you can’t get enough.

Things that I have purchased since I have decided to “get back into” makeup (disclosure: I did receive gift cards for Christmas, plus had a few burning a hole in my wallet, so I didn’t just drop a couple hundies on a whim!):

• Too Faced Born This Way Foundation
• Sigma Inner Rim Brightener
• Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder
• It Cosmetics Bye Bye Undereye
• BH Cosmetics Studio Pro Brush Set
• Kat Von D Shade & Light Eyes Palette
• 2 Lorac eyeshadow palettes
• Morphe 350 Palette
• Ardell Wispies Lashes
• Philosophy Renewed Hope Trial Kit
• Urban Decay Smoked Palette
• Bobbi Brown Corrector
• 7 lip products, 8 eyeshadows, and 2 eye kits from ColourPop
• Anastasia Beverly Hills Beauty Express for brows

I think this may be just the tip of the iceberg. I love doing my makeup now, trying new colors, and watching every YouTube tutorial I can find!!! I guess it could be worse?

ETA:  added the links, you know, in case you wanted some goodies!!  Maybe one day, I’ll have coupon codes for you!

To be, or not to be, trendy?

Never, ever, think that you can’t follow a trend.

I seem to always be a step behind the current trend.  I am usually not trying to follow it, and only stumble upon it because the hot item of that second has trickled down to the store that I happen to be shopping in.  I like the idea of trends – but I think it’s asinine to do or to not do something because it may or may not be in.  I have most certainly worn white after Labor Day and mixed black with blue. 

High fashion is a guideline.  Do you honestly think that designers expect you too wear what they are showing on the runways of Paris and New York?  Not if you are the majority of the population.  It is, instead, a stepping stone to assist you with finding your own personal style.   Anyone that has seen The Devil Wears Prada will certainly remember that scene where Miranda destroys Andie for laughing at the belts that look exactly the same.  Miranda schools her on the color cerulium, and it’s evolution through the fashion world.  

Look at the Pantone Color of the Year – this is the first year that there has ever been two colors.  It’s only the 19th of January and I’m already seeing these colors all over my favorite hobbies:   Jamberry, May Designs, every sticker maker on etsy, and even from the makeup companies.  Look at any picture of me – I am so pale that I’m basically transparent.  Do you think that Rose Quartz and Serenity are going to look even remotely lovely on my pasty white skin?  Yeah, me either.  But you can bet your ass that I’ll be ordering the Jams for my fingers and the May Designs journals for my bag!

The point is, you need to go with with you like.  I swore I would never wear skinny jeans – my rationale being that I have birdy ankles and a small head (I do, it’s a fact) and, therefore, wearing such a slim leg would basically make me look like a walking diamond (go ahead – take a second and picture it).  But I absolutely LOVED the way that skinny jeans look with tall boots.  So I traded in my boot-cuts for some skinnies, and there was no turning back!

This whole ” leggings are pants/leggings aren’t pants so stop wearing them out because they are distracting to America” bullshit is another good example.  First of all, regular leggings are not see through so they are indeed pants. The morons who walk around in (basically) tights and are all “oh!  I didn’t realize” and “oops, I wasn’t asking for him to look at my ass” are attention whores, plain and simple.  Anyway, I kept away from (another) skinny bottom and long tunic top, thinking that I couldn’t pull it off.  No reason on this one, just my own insecurities.  Then this direct sales company emerges all over Facebook, and I’m intrigued.  It seems like every single woman on my news feed is talking about LuLaRoe.  Every size, shape age, whatever.  I get one pair and I’m hooked.  Leggings and tunic for everyone!  Who wouldn’t want to feel like they were wearing pajamas all day? Casual Friday?  Leggings and tunic.  Girls’ day at the mall? Leggings and tunics.  Too cold to leave the house? Leggings and tunics!!!

Don’t be afraid ya’ll.  Wear what you like.  Cut your hair however you want.  Buy name brand or nameless.   Get your ideas from Pinterest or Vogue or Downton Abbey or your best friend.  But be true to you.  Dont’ be who they expect you to be.  Be who you expect you to be.  Be cautious or be adventurous, but just don’t be afraid.